Self Esteem

become a more confident you

“Shame is the most powerful, master emotion. It’s the fear that we’re not good enough. Healthy striving is self-focused: “How can I improve?”
Perfectionism is other-focused: “What will they think?”
- Brené Brown

You probably already have a good idea, but let’s start from the beginning anyway:
what is self-esteem?

Self-esteem refers to a person’s overall sense of his or her value or worth. It can be considered a sort of measure of how much a person “values, approves of, appreciates, prizes, or likes him or herself” (Adler & Stewart, 2004). According to self-esteem expert Morris Rosenberg, self-esteem is quite simply one’s attitude toward oneself (1965). He described it as a “favourable or unfavourable attitude toward the self”.

Various factors believed to influence our self-esteem include:

  • Genetics
  • Personality
  • Life experiences
  • Age
  • Health
  • Thoughts
  • Social circumstances
  • The reactions of others
  • Comparing the self to others

An important note is that self-esteem is not fixed. It is malleable and measurable, meaning we can test for and improve upon it.

Here are 23 examples of issues that can manifest from low self-esteem:

  • You people please
  • You’re easily angered or irritated
  • You feel your opinion isn’t important
  • You hate you
  • What you do is never good enough
  • You’re highly sensitive to others opinions
  • The world doesn’t feel safe
  • You doubt every decision
  • You regularly experience the emotions of sadness and worthlessness
  • You find it hard keeping relationships
  • You avoid taking risks or trying new things
  • You engage in addictive avoidance behaviors
  • You struggle with confidence
  • You find it difficult creating boundaries
  • You give more attention to your weaknesses
  • You are often unsure of who you are
  • You feel negative experiences are all consuming
  • You struggle to say no
  • You find it difficult asking for your needs to be met
  • You hold a pessimistic or negative outlook on life
  • You doubt your abilities or chances of success
  • You frequently experience negative emotions, such as fear, anxiety or depression
  • You compare yourself with others and often you come in second best

Based on research, we have learned that there are many ways therapy and counseling can help clients to improve their self-esteem. If done correctly, therapy can be an excellent method of enhancing self-esteem, especially if it’s low to begin with.

Negative thoughts

and troubling emotions

“Remember, what you "feel" and what is "real" are often very different.”
- Eddie Capparucci

Negative thoughts and troubling emotions

Ignoring feelings (like “stuffing your anger”) is not the healthiest way to deal with them. Generally speaking, that does not make them go away but can cause them to come out in different ways. That’s because your emotions act as signals to you that what you are doing in your life is or isn’t working. Negative thoughts can take many forms. Overanalyzing , negative rumination, outward- directed anger etc are the common ones.

  • Negative emotions can come from a triggering event: an overwhelming workload, for example.
  • Negative emotions are also the result of our thoughts surrounding an event; the way we interpret what happened can alter how we experience the event and whether or not it causes stress.

Some of the common effects of negativity include:

  • Headache
  • Chest pain
  • Fatigue
  • Upset stomach
  • Sleep problems
  • Anxiety
  • Depression
  • Social withdrawal
  • Drastic changes in metabolism (i.e. overeating or under-eating)

Most of us spend a lot of time inside our own mind — worrying about the future, replaying events in the past, and generally focusing on the parts of life that leave us dissatisfied. While common, negative or unwanted thoughts can prevent you from enjoying experiences, distract you from focusing on what’s important, and drain your energy. They can also make you feel anxious and depressed.

The good news is that with dedicated practice, you can replace negative thinking patterns with thoughts that actually help. This can make a huge difference in your day-to-day happiness and comfort.

Sleep issues

“No day is so bad it can’t be fixed with a nap.”
- Carrie Snow

Sleep issues

Do you:

  • Feel irritable or sleepy during the day?
  • Have difficulty staying awake when sitting still, watching television or reading?
  • Fall asleep or feel very tired while driving?
  • Have difficulty concentrating?
  • Often get told by others that you look tired?
  • React slowly? Have trouble controlling your emotions?
  • Feel like you have to take a nap almost every day?
  • Require caffeinated beverages to keep yourself going?

Most people occasionally experience sleeping problems due to stress, hectic schedules, and other outside influences. However, when these issues begin to occur on a regular basis and interfere with daily life, they may indicate a sleeping disorder. The lack of sleep can have a negative impact on energy, mood, concentration, and overall health.In some cases, sleep disorders can be a symptom of another medical or mental health condition. These sleeping problems may eventually go away once treatment is obtained for the underlying cause.

If you are experiencing any of the above symptoms on a regular basis, schedule an appointment with us.

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Anger Management

“Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.”
- Buddha

Anger Management

Is your temper hijacking your life?

Anger is a normal, healthy emotion, neither good nor bad. Like any emotion, it conveys a message, telling you that a situation is upsetting, unjust, or threatening. If your knee-jerk reaction to anger is to explode, however, that message never has a chance to be conveyed. So, while it’s perfectly normal to feel angry when you’ve been mistreated or wronged, anger becomes a problem when you express it in a way that harms yourself or others.

You might think that venting your anger is healthy, that the people around you are too sensitive, that your anger is justified, or that you need to show your fury to get respect. But the truth is that anger is much more likely to have a negative impact on the way people see you, impair your judgment, and get in the way of success.

Chronic anger that flares up all the time or spirals out of control can have serious consequences for your:

fitness

Physical health

Constantly operating at high levels of stress and anger makes you more susceptible to heart disease, diabetes, a weakened immune system, insomnia, and high blood pressure.

success

Career

Constructive criticism, creative differences, and heated debate can be healthy. But lashing out only alienates your colleagues, supervisors, or clients and erodes their respect.

mental-health

Mental health

Chronic anger consumes huge amounts of mental energy, and clouds your thinking, making it harder to concentrate or enjoy life. It can also lead to stress, depression, and other mental health problems.

relationship

Relationships

Anger can cause lasting scars in the people you love most and get in the way of friendships and work relationships. Explosive anger makes it hard for others to trust you, speak honestly, or feel comfortable—and is especially damaging to children.

If you have a hot temper, you may feel like it’s out of your hands and there’s little you can do to tame the beast. But you have more control over your anger than you think. With insight about the real reasons for your anger and with anger management tools, you can learn to express your emotions without hurting others and keep your temper from hijacking your life.

Beating Loneliness

“Solitude is fine but you need someone to tell that solitude is fine.”
- Honoré de Balzac

Beating Loneliness

Loneliness is a universal human emotion that is both complex and unique to each individual. Because it has no single common cause, the prevention and treatment of this potentially damaging state of mind can vary dramatically. Loneliness causes people to feel empty, alone, and unwanted. People who are lonely often crave human contact, but their state of mind makes it more difficult to form connections with other people.

Contributing factors to loneliness include situational variables, such as physical isolation, moving to a new location, and divorce. The death of someone significant in a person’s life can also lead to feelings of loneliness. Additionally, it can be a symptom of a psychological disorder such as depression. Loneliness can also be attributed to internal factors such as low self-esteem. People who lack confidence in themselves often believe that they are unworthy of the attention or regard of other people, which can lead to isolation and chronic loneliness.

Health Risks Associated With Loneliness:

Loneliness has a wide range of negative effects on both physical and mental health, including:

  • Alcoholism and drug use
  • Altered brain function
  • Alzheimer’s disease progression
  • Antisocial behavior
  • Cardiovascular disease and stroke
  • Decreased memory and learning
  • Depression and suicide
  • Increased stress levels
  • Poor decision-making
Loneliness can be overcome. It does require a conscious effort on your part to make a change. In the long run, making a change can make you happier, healthier, and enable you to impact others around you in a positive way.

You don't have to do it alone.

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